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Eeek!

These past few months I have had so much on my mind.  I feel like putting some of the think on "paper" to make room for important things.. like concentrating on more important aspects of life.  The first thing that has been weighing on my mind is friendship.  I have never been good at it, and haven't experienced any full fledged, long term, close friendship.  I think about this often and try to find why it's been like this in my life.  I think I've come to a few conclusions.  I'm extremely private and I don't like asking for help. *yikes*.  Did I mention I'm also quite stubborn? I have a giant fear of opening up and letting people in which I'm sure most people do.  Hopefully by coming to these conclusions, I will be able to heal myself and grow so that I can become a better me.  I've decided that I want to try and open up and let people in little by little, even though the thought of it makes me want to hide underneath my blanket in fetal position.  We only live once, and I prefer to make the most of it and not let my fears hold me back from knowing and loving people that I otherwise might not.  I'm sad that I wasn't able to make a lot of close friends when I had the opportunity, for example in high school.  Those were the years that youngins' have the opportunity because, well, they're surrounded by hundreds of people their age.  Maybe it was because I didn't know who I was at the time or who I wanted to be, which is a phase I feel everyone goes through.  Sometimes I wish I just had a few really close friends who really knew me, and took the time to sit down and get to know me.  That sounds selfish, but I myself really listen to people when they tell me things, I remember what they like and don't like, I feel that it's important to acknowledge others and learn of them.  I have met very few who actually take the time to return the same type of generosity.
This brings me to the next few thoughts on friends.  I have recently learned that we are the ones that ultimately decide who will be in our lives, and who will not, who will influence us, and who will not.  We decide if someone is worth keeping.  Personally, I want people who are honest, and REAL in my life.  I want people in my life who will make me a better person and who will give me strength.  I hope that I would do the same in return for them.  I just don't have time for people who are selfish, needy, desperate, and NOT REAL.  I find joy in being genuine & I find joy in those who also find joy in being genuine.  Anyway, sometimes my fear makes times lonely.  It's some things that I know I am needing to work on and am trying to strengthen.  For all those who have been around me and who have to be around me, I do apologize if I come off as uninterested, or "cocky"?  That isn't my intention at all.  I am what people like to call an observer.  I observe my surroundings before I jump in or let loose.  I'm looking for the genuine of heart and the REAL people who are worth investing in.  I hope I don't offend anyone by this or hurt anyone's feelings.  Some I simply haven't had the opportunity to really get to know.  With me, it may take a few dates and maybe there wasn't time for those few dates to occur.  I hope I can better myself, and I hope that I can become a good friend to others and let people into my life.  I can't believe I'm posting this, but I feel it's a step forward in becoming comfortable.       

UPDATES & BREAKING NEWS>

-Very exciting things are happening this coming week!  We will be closing on our first home and will be moving in next weekend!  I'm nervous, and excited, and grateful, and anxious all at once!  It's been a long time coming and I'm so happy that the day is almost here.  We have been looking for a home for the past 9 months or so and it was fun for about the first few weeks.  Our new place is in a cute little community in Kaysville called Kays landing.



 I'm still leary about moving so far north, but i'm sure I will fall in love in no time at all.  I'm excited to meet new neighbors, make new friends, and start new adventures.  It'll be nice to have our own place with space to put all of our things!  I'm so excited to start decorating and making it home.

-Since the car accident we were able to find a cute little 2009 honda fit that saves a butt load on gas, it's baffling!  It's not as sleek as my other car, but it's nice.  We got the title to it in the mail a couple of weeks ago, so that's not too shabby!

Life is good, we're living the dream and taking it a day at a time. Thanks for reading!

-Car troubles?

[whaaaaat]

My car has been totaled!  Some woman definatley had somewhere to go.  She plowed through a red light, right into the drivers side of my car going around 40-45 mph.  I got a mild  concussion and have a bruised leg.  I had to wear a neck brace for two days (sexy) and have been trying to work the muscles in my neck.  Surprisingly I don't have so much pain anymore and it has only been 5 days since the accident.  > next task is to find another car.  I'm super bummed that I have lost my scion.  BUT I'm alive and humbled!  It's not my time to go yet and I surely was being watched over and protected.  Her car literally slammed into me.  If you look at the picture of my car --->,
the drivers door goes past the running boards into the seat. Scary shiz!

On a {HAPPIER} note..
I will be getting my degree in marketing fairly soon. fairly meaning one mark down from almost. but I am still excited about it.  & The builders have started to poor the foundation on our home !STOKED!  We are still both busy with our opposite work schedules and school, but somehow we find time to spend together and balance everything out.  If anyone knows where to find more time, share the wealth.  We are trucking right along putting our best foot forward and doing it happily.  Life is way too stinking short to be sad and depressed all the time.  There are SO many things to be grateful and happy for.  This is a treasured trait that I have taken up and have learned from my husband.  Shout out- He makes me want to be the best me possible and gives me the drive to keep going everyday.  LOVE you my handsome man <3

Wow, I have officially fallen out of the groove of blogging.  I thought I would finally update this thing with new adventure of life.  I started a new job and have been there for a little over a month now.  It's okay so far, a little stressful but I love the people I work with so that's a plus.  I've also started "pre" training for training for a figure competition!! Yay!  I love it so much!  It's a huge part of my life now so it keeps me pretty busy.  I feel pretty miserable when I miss a day at the gym.  I took this semester off of school so Philip could take a few extra classes.  So I have had time to go to the gym after work.  Now that I will be starting school back up I'm pretty nervous!  I work around 9 hours a day and hardly have time to do anything else so balancing everything will be a bit of a challenge.  I'm hoping I will be able to do it all though!!  

Kitty!

We got a baby this weekend!  We never thought in a million years that we would get a cat, but here is our reasoning...
I. JUSTIFICATIONS
    a. A dog is too much work
    b. A bird is boring (sorry sister, it's true)
    c. Fish are boring (again, true)
    d. You can't cuddle a lizard
    e. Bunnies don't have a lot of personality
So, there you have it.  We decided that if we were even contemplating getting a bunny, we might as well get a cat because they mostly take care of themselves.  As we were looking at the humane society, there was a little four month old kitty meowing for attention so I went over to her and put my face to her cage.  As I did, she reached out her little white paw and patted my cheek.. needless to say it was all over from there.  We took her out and went into that little "get to know you" room and all she did was cuddle and give little love nibbles. SHE IS PERFECT!  She is the most chill cat I have ever seen.  She is not interested in playing, she is far from  being a spaz.  All she wants is some love, attention, and cuddles.  who doesn't right?  She is very much a people cat and needs to be around someone at all times, so its been a little hard at night closing the bedroom door.  She does the little helpless cry for about five minutes and then she's fine.  It's been fun so far! I think we want to name her Nala, but her name from the shelter is Ivy.. we aren't set, if you have a preference or you have any cool names for a kitty let us know!

Sissy's Bridals

So we had a little family reunion in Wyoming this past weekend [over the fourth] and it was AWESOME!  I took my camera down with me so as I was able to take my sissy's bridals!  Before she got married she wasn't able to get them taken so we thought, hey! what better place to take bridals then the family farm! So, here you have it, some of my favorites from the shoot.  

Get the Skinny

I have a few things I would like to post here, and yes.. I know I am posting a lot lately but I am just so excited that I have this up and running finally.  So I found a picture of Barbie that shows the change from the 90's to now.  I hate that the world tells woman that if they are not pencil thin, they are ugly and not worth anyone's time. Not only does Hollywood portray this, but also vain people of the world.  Weight is always something I have struggled with, such as not feeling skinny enough to be attractive.  I have dieted since I was 14 trying to get to that "magic" pant size and number.  I will probably always struggle with it for the rest of my life.

 Philip and I went and saw Transformers 3.. which is alright, and all they would show of Rosie Huntington (replacement of Megan Fox, victoria secret model) was her naked body.  Okay not naked naked but like naked legs and almost buns, cleavage.. you get the idea.  I felt like they focused on her beauty through out the whole movie and it pissed me off.  Not that she isn't perfect, but still.  I walked out of the theater feeling like crap and that I wasn't good enough and worth anything (yes that is all I got out of that 3 hour movie because I am a woman).  Of course I have my wonderful hubby man to reassure me that I am a good looker, but he has to say those things ; )  Anywho, I hope that one day all types of people will be considered beautiful by all.  I wish this world wasn't such a vain place.  I am here to represent those who aren't skinny enough, or pretty enough.  This world is cruel, but keep on pushing through and show them what your made of!

On a happier note!  I have found some [freaking sweet] pictures of a house... I am coveting this place immensely, go ahead, call me a sinner.  It's that cool

ughhh it takes my breath right out of my lungs.  I LOVE <3 it!!

This room isn't as cool, but I still appreciate it. 

[DONE]